we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
