quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
