He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
