I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
