as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
