I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
