I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
