my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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