So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
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