when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
