walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Randomize
