what day is it and did you see me today?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
