Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
