I looked at my own cervix.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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