I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i drank out of a bidet.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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