If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
