4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
