He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
