She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
