True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
