I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
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