If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
