You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
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