Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
