I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
