nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
