I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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