the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
