i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
