god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
