and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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