Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
