I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
