Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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