Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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