so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
