I'm sorry my penis didn't work
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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