Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
