Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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