Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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