her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It was confusing and full of hummus
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
