I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He had one of those small greek statue penises
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
