why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
