she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Sober January is a disaster.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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