I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
