I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
