Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
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