Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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