walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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