I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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