Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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