I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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