Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
