So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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