I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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