like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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