i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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