I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
