"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
