i think my tv is drunk
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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