so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
