My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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