u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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