Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
