just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
