she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize