Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
