we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
