I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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